“You guys know that I’m a tactile politician, right? I’m a hugger, I’m a kisser, and I’m a little bit of a sniffer. The last thing I ever want to do is offend anyone.”

Saturday Night Live mocked President Trump’s declaration of a national emergency, suggesting the decision was just part of a master plan to escape the confines of the presidency.

Trump hit back on Twitter asking,”How do the Networks get away with these total Republican hit jobs without retribution? Likewise for many other shows? Very unfair and should be looked into. This is the real Collusion!”

Pete Davidson appeared on the “Weekend Update” segment of Saturday Night Live to apologize to veteran and congressman-elect Dan Crenshaw (R-TX), and this time he brought Crenshaw with him.

Said Davidson: “The man is a war hero and he deserves all of the respect in the world. And if any good came of this, maybe it was that for one day the left and the right finally came together to agree on something — that I’m a dick.”

“Tonight we’re live from the Arizona border where a vicious caravan of dozens—maybe millions—of illegal immigrants is heading straight for you and your grandchildren.”

“You think I’m angry? You’re damn right I am. But you think I’m angry now, you just wait till I get on that Supreme Court, because then you’re all going to pay!”

This is so well done.

“No matter what you do, it always comes with an extra layer of gleeful cruelty and dickishness.”

“As for North Korea, he bragged yesterday that he didn’t prepare for his summit with Kim Jong Un. Didn’t prepare! Of course, when has he ever prepared for anything? This guy didn’t bring a condom to fuck a porn star.”

— Bill Maher, quoted by the Daily Beast.

“Don’t worry, I told them you were openly colluding with Russia but then I ended with ‘so what!’ so it’ll be fine.”

Washington Post: “Ben Stiller, Martin Short, Jimmy Fallon, Scarlett Johansson, Alec Baldwin and Stormy Daniels herself all showed up for one of the more star-studded cold opens in the history of Saturday Night Live, just as the sketch show enters the final stretch of its 43rd season. And they were all there to do one thing: skewer the Trump administration after (yet another) week of shocking revelations through a series of comedic phone calls and crossed lines.”

Michelle Wolf turned in an especially biting performance at the White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner and went after President Trump “in a routine that swerved from raunchy to downright nasty,” the Washington Post reports.

Robert DeNiro and Ben Stiller appeared on Saturday Night Live as Special Counsel Robert Mueller and President Trump’s personal lawyer, Michael Cohen, for a Meet the Parents-style interrogation.

Rep. Devin Nunes (R-CA) told Fox News that Stephen Colbert’s jokes about him are a “danger” to the nation.

Said Nunes: “This is the danger that we have in this country. The left controls not only the universities in this country, but they also control Hollywood in this country, and the mainstream media, so conservatives in this country are under attack. They attack people who are trying to get to the truth.”

Nunes is referring to the sketch below:

“I said I was going to run this country like a business. That business is a Waffle House at 2 a.m.”