“Evidently, ‘The Late Show’ has outlasted the United States federal government, because we’re still open, and they done shut down.”

— Stephen Colbert, on his show last night.

“Even though we are still being preempted in 60 American cities, on Tuesday, we had our second-highest rated show in almost 23 years on the air. Our monologue from Tuesday night has more than 21 million views just on YouTube alone. And I want to say, we couldn’t have done it without you, Mr. President. Thank you very much. We got the Trump bump, and we appreciate it.” 

— Jimmy Kimmel, on his show last night.

Stephen Colbert investigated President Trump’s claim of “triple sabotage” during his United Nations appearance this week.

Jon Stewart responded to the cancellation of Jimmy Kimmel and Stephen Colbert by delivering a “government-approved” monologue, which consisted of nothing but praise for President Trump.

Said Stewart: “If you’ve felt a little off these past couple of days, it’s probably because our great father has not been home. For father has been gracing England with his legendary warmth and radiance.”

He added: “Gaze upon him with a gait even more majestic than that of the royal horses that prance before him! He wowed the English with charm and intelligence and an undeniable sexual charisma that filled their air like a pheromone-packed London fog!”

Axios: Late-night hosts react to Kimmel suspension.

“I guess he’d better change the locks.”

— Jimmy Kimmel, noting on his show that Donald Trump gave Elon Musk a ceremonial “key to the White House” last week.

Said Stewart, in this week’s show: “Trump is not only not the best negotiator, he is maybe the worst negotiator.”

Larry David: “Imagine my surprise when in the spring of 1939 a letter arrived at my house inviting me to dinner at the Old Chancellery with the world’s most reviled man, Adolf Hitler. I had been a vocal critic of his on the radio from the beginning, pretty much predicting everything he was going to do on the road to dictatorship.”

“No one I knew encouraged me to go. ‘He’s Hitler. He’s a monster.’ But eventually I concluded that hate gets us nowhere. I knew I couldn’t change his views, but we need to talk to the other side — even if it has invaded and annexed other countries and committed unspeakable crimes against humanity.”

Jimmy Kimmel told Rolling Stone that a “big part” of why Donald Trump won a second term is because of “manufactured” outrage against comedians from liberals. 

Said Kimmel: “I think a lot of the outrage is completely manufactured, and it’s like, a lot of these people who are angry aren’t really angry.”

He added: “I think these liberals who’ve done such a good job of viciously attacking comedians are a big part of the reason why Trump is the president right now.”

“I thought when people take away your rights, erase your history, and deport your friends, you’re supposed to call it out. But I was wrong. Glad to find it out now. Because if they had let me give that speech, oooh baby, I would have been so terrifically mean.”

— Amber Ruffin, quoted by Late Nighter, on being booted as the keynote speaker at the White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner.

Ruffin also discussed the news on Late Night with Seth Myers.

Nikki Glaser told reporters that she does think twice now before doing political jokes — including those at Donald Trump, Deadline reports.

Said Glaser: “Like, you just are scared that you’re gonna get doxxed and death threats or who knows where this leads, like, detained. Honestly that’s not even like a joke. It’s like a real fear. So it’s unfortunate that that’s true, but I’m not gonna lie and say I don’t think about that sometimes and go, ‘Oh, god. Can I just say, I hope they all know, I can be up on the gallows and say I was just joking. I’m a comedian.’ I hope that that’s a defense.”

Mike Myers was back as Elon Musk for another Saturday Night Live cold open.

Saturday Night Live went for the obvious in its cold open this week: Donald Trump‘s Oval Office meeting with Ukraine President Volodymyr Zelensky.

Said Trump: “President Zelensky, you want to say a few words. Maybe tell Mr. Putin how much you love him and that you’re sorry you invaded Russia. Maybe offer him one night with your wife.”

“The author of a satirical website said the Texas governor, Greg Abbott, is among the ‘dumbest people in the country’ after Abbott shared a fake article about his own state,” The Guardian reports.

“The Maine resident Christopher Blair, who runs the satirical website Dunning-Kruger-Times, ridiculed Abbott after the governor shared a fake article about country singer Garth Brooks being booed off a stage over his support of Bud Light.”

Said Blair: “When I saw that, I was besides myself with joy. He’s one of the dumbest people in the country.”

Saturday Night Live celebrates Easter.

“I know everyone thinks Republicans aren’t funny. But if you get a bunch of us together, we can be a real riot.”

— Rep. Nancy Mace (R-SC), quoted by Politico, telling jokes during the Washington Press Club Foundation’s annual congressional dinner.